Following George’s latest funny menu findings, I enthusiastically scanned my parents’ Chinese takeaway menu (they ordered one tonight - I only had a tiny bit for obvious reasons!) but sadly it was all in order… I was however a little confused to find a dish on the “Appetizers” menu called “YUK SUNG”….?!? Didn’t sound very appetising…

I was sitting in bed this morning reflecting on amusing things about church and one of them surely has to be Spirit-led dance. This is not the excellent dance of the dance teams up front or a criticism of anyone in particular at all, it is merely an observation of the ordinary bod (catergorised below), whom God loves and smiles over… Unsurprisingly….

The Baby Swinger:

This move is most often and best performed by a middle-aged woman wearing a home-made floral dress (classic Vogue/Butterick pattern design, you know the one I mean?) with extra ’swoosh’ down yonder. Her slightly, well, ‘organic’ legs manifest themselves through grey tights which are of course accompanied by open-toed sandals. She usually has good wholesome sized feet as well. with her face turned skyward, she smiles ecstatically to the Lord with one arm in the air and starts to perform a motion that takes place almost entirely in the lower body. Her upper torso changes direction with the swing, but it is as if a baby has grown inside her womb which is acting like part of a Newton’s cradle. The movement is entirely in the bottom, which does its own dance from side to side in a weighted swinging mode, whilst feet stay firmly rooted on the ground.

The Bottom Jiggler:

A very common move, prevalent in twenty-somethings and young professionals, male and female alike. They have their eyes shut and faces turned slightly upwards. Their fingers are in their pockets but the thumbs rest on top. Their bottoms jiggle uncontrollably in time (or not) to the music.

The Middle Magnet:

This is a more rare and highly embarrassing move, performed occasionally by the parents of young children. It is as if two strong magnetic fields exist in front and behind this person’s groin, causing them to swing backwards and forwards with their hands in their pockets and an expression of agony on their face.

The Incessant Tapper:

This is the one who is full of British reserve and cannot quite bring him/herself to clap or jiggle… They solemnly tap their foot, looking incredibly self-conscious but with that curled up ‘pout meets hoover’ look on their face to show that they are actually cool so this kind of thing is allowed.

The Chair Drummer:

This is the one who sits behind you thumping the back of your chair (usually out of time) as their contribution to the worship, whilst singing loudly and enthusiastically.

The ‘Godzilla Out Of Swamp’:

A unique manoevure, reserved for the prophetic dancers. Occasionally someone might get down on one knee, cover their fist humbly with the palm of their hand and look to the floor. Then all of a sudden their face is flung heavenwards, the fist starts to emerge and slowly becomes a monstrous hand, open to the skies to receive good things, whilst the other hand grips the arm.

and finally…

The Pigeons:

Most of the congregation fit this description, as when the music starts, if you look from the back, you will see simultaneous bobbing of heads in time to the music.

Don’t you just love church? The Lord does and has made us all so different. I came across a great design book called ‘A Smile in the Mind’ and I thought of how that is exactly what happens to you sometimes when you notice something nice but kind of amusing too. I wonder if the Lord has a smile in the mind when he looks at His church

I am pleased to report that I am feeling a little better today! I was instructed to take imoduium yesterday (the evil/wonder drug!) which helped a little but unfortunately today I have discovered that I am allergic to it as I have come up in a nettle rash. D’OH! However, I am a bit more with it, a little less delirious and a little less in pain - hooray.

JT wins husband of the Universe award (again?!?) as he has just been amazing to me throughout this. Today I felt like watching ‘Allo ‘Allo (for some reason?!?) so he went out and bought series 1&2 on DVD. He also bought me the Chronicles of Narnia to read which I was really chuffed about because I really wanted to read them (only read the Lion the witch and the wardrobe!) Finally he bought me a glass pebble painting kit which was just the coolest thing to do when you have been in bed for a week! It probably sounds lame to most of you but JT knows how much I like little creative things and I have had so much fun today painting them.

Hmmm… Since starting the writing of this post I have had to call the doctor again, as the nettle rash is growing… Awaiting a callback! As you can see, Monty is quite undisturbed.

…It’s true! I spotted him in the Kemble brewery with his wife!! I have only just remembered because I am chatting to my friend Amy on MSN who always used to tell me when we were at school that a viking lived opposite her. I wasn’t quite sure what to think, but four or five years on, I spotted him and simply couldn’t deny it! He has wild long greyish white hair, a beard and dresses in a viking-esque style… His wife works in the local post office.

Still feeling horrid but for the sake of posting some good news, I thought I’d do a product recommendation. With various Christmas monies I purchased a Wacom Graphire graphics tablet and am LOVING it! It is so cool… Very useful tool for illustration…

Day 4 and it finally emerges that I have a stomach bug!! According to the doctor the effect of the bug will be magnified significantly by my IBS. I have had ‘the poos’ (nice!) since 8am, as the stomach bug had basically sat dormant (well, not dormant exactly, I have been in bed since Monday in agony!) in my gut (effect of the IBS) for three days!! Ouch. I am relieved to know what is going on, but I have had an excruciatingly painful day and have managed to eat a grand total of 1.5 slices of toast which will thrill the doctors I’m sure… Not! JT also had to work from home as by midday I could not walk to the toilet without help which could have presented a problem… It will also probably take longer than most to recover from, as now the IBS is like to take over and get a share of the action. UGH. Such a great word!!

Anyway, on the plus side, it has given me some time to reflect upon life, the Universe and things in between! At 4am I was lying awake in a lot of pain and asking the Lord why on earth He didn’t just ’say the word’ and take the whole lot away? I actually even thought that maybe He didn’t want me well (idiot). I think my brain was a little mangled at this stage due to lack of sleep/exhaustion from pain.

Well anyway, it is always at moments like these that the Lord performs a classic. He has pushed us to our edge (which for me probably wasn’t very far) and then bends down and whispers in our ear. What did He say exactly? The words of a worship song that I hadn’t heard for ages… “this is who I’m meant to be, I know you have chosen me, I can never turn away from this truth. Let the storms rage on outside, let the day turn into night, there is nothing else that I would rather do, Jesus I was born to spend this life with you”. Now don’t get me wrong, I genuinely don’t believe that the Lord intends for me to be ill, rather He was reminding me that He has chosen us and that He wins the battles. “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, (so why am I fighting so hard against a poxy stomach bug really?!) but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places,” EPH 6:12.

Perspective refreshed (or at least it was when I remembered it this evening *cough*, I put on the Surrender album, where the song is from, as it is one of my favourite worship albums to this day. It was then that I started to take in more truths about what matters in this world. This is amongst those truths:

Father you’re all I need
My soul’s sufficiency
My strength when I am weak
The love that carries me
You arms enfold me till I am only
A child of God

It reminded me of when I started Uni. I was terrified. Not only because it was a big scary new experience, but particularly because I was challenged about how my life looked as a reflection of Jesus. Sometimes we make the mistake in ministry of ‘gobbing it’ (for want of a better phrase!) If we lead or are responsible for anyone, then there is a natural respect (hopefully) that they have for us. It is all to easy to sit down and write a talk, take some holy quotes, humourous anecdotes and divine-inspired insight and proclaim it from a stage, in a small group, etc. However, it is not easy to mirror your ‘gob’ in every area of your life and to live and act like Jesus in every situation (particularly when driving!)

To the average gobby like myself, the way that I live my life at Uni will speak more to those around me than preaching because if I do not live up to what I preach then they will label me a hypocrite.

We get so wound up in what we do, church politics, people offending us, etc etc and what we seem to forget is God. I had been considering starting leading some worship again and worrying as to how I would manage/what it would entail/whether ‘I’ was good enough etc. Curled up in a ball on the bed burning my stomach with the tenth hot water bottle of the day, I laughed at myself. Patience is a virtue I can tell you, I wish I had more of it. The God said those words… He is my soul’s sufficiency, my strength when I am weak (ok so that is now), the love that carries me. His arms enfold me till I am only a child of God. What was I at that moment apart from a child of God? Till I am only a child of God. That is what matters. He will lead the rest.

Tim sent me a text this morning with this photo of Crawley covered in snow!! I was so excited and immediately checked ForecastFox (actually it is some other weather addon for Firefox 2…) And we are scheduled?…..Rain. Typical. But hey, we’re very pleased for Crawley, the land where all the hair of Great Britain ends up, according to Melody who should have now arrived in Australia! Missing you already Mel!! Do get in touch.

Also on the Melody front, Laura Oxley ingeniously planted Patsy Poppins on Melody before her grand exit, so Patsy Poppins, office tart should be calling from the land of kangeroos very soon!

Feeling a LITTLE more human today but sadly still confined to bed which is getting very dull… Unfortunately whatever I have had has just left me with killer IBS :-S

Thanks to little big brother-in-law Simon and his girlfriend Sam who bought me a LUSH goodie box for Christmas… One of the items was a THINK PINK bath bomb, which I used this morning. CHECK OUT MY BATH!!!! It actually went pink!!! Barbie would be proud… Not only was the water a hot pink colour, but there were hundreds of miniature hearts and flowers floating around as well!

As I mentioned before, the cats have been following me around and so they were fascinated! Twinkle spent the whole time on the side of the bath (after falling in briefly!) but Monty (being a little boy) didn’t like the pink smell and so sat on the mat, jumping up over the side every now and again. Sooooooo awesome!

Well unfortunately I am still in bed, but just wanted to show how good kittens are when you are ill… Here is Monty looking after his Mummy!! Twinkle has literally guarded me since yesterday afternoon. She sits on the bed or just by it and then when I go to the toilet or the kitchen, she comes too!! It is very funny…

I found out on Saturday night that the lovely Ellie and Mark have just got engaged!!!! WOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!! PARTY!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations guys!!!! So excited!!!